It has been proven that healthy relationships are part of leading a fulfilled life and are one of the factors in your longevity as well. Keeping your relationship healthy means hard work because we are all individuals with different, ideas, dreams, personal needs and choices. Sharing your time in a strong relationship with your partner makes happy memories for you both, and this will be cherished as your relationship matures. A strong relationship is the sharing between two individuals, and this does not necessarily mean that both have to be of different sexes either.
Relationship bonds are formed between anyone, and age does not always play too much of an important role in all cases either. There are 5 ways to save your relationship and knowing them can help you solve the common problems that can arise.
Keeping a relationship healthy can be difficult at times considering that there might be a possibility of conflicts, and differences of agreements on many issues. These factors may be due to misunderstandings, ego or other problems like cultural differences for example. Sometimes anger, frustration and bitterness in your relationship can cross the point of no return, and thus a once strong bond can be shattered beyond any repair. When this occurs both partners at are affected perhaps one more than another. What is important to realize that damage can be repaired before it is too late. Knowing these 5 ways to save your relationship is definitely helpful, and may mean saving a rocky relationship while it is still possible.
1. The first advice is that you can both accept that there are problems that need to be handled in your relationship. These problems and issues need to be bought into the open and discussed between both partners. Seek methods in how these problems can be identified; and addressed in ways that are mutually acceptable. Compromise has already saved millions of relationships and this must be openly discussed between partners when there is conflict.
2. It takes two partners to make an argument happen. Both partners in a relationship need complete communication and interaction. If communication stops, then the reasons must be investigated behind it. This means starting a conversation with your partner allowing them to open up so that you can analyze where the problem lies, and then take the right steps to repair the damage or rift. Listening is important in communication, and understanding what you are hearing runs a close second. Your will be able to pick up hints and get ideas of where damage control is necessary.
3. Renewing your relationship and your passion for each other is important to prevent stagnation. Regular surprises and getaways together where you can spend quality time together are vital. This provides you with new experiences and memories, and also allows you to discover new facets in your partner that you may have never noticed in different situations. This renewal is important to come from both partners and thus regular alone time in different places is necessary.
4. Each partner must communicate their feelings to the other. Healthy relationships need natural attraction. This comes through sharing and allowing each other to show their true feelings. Sometimes the reassurance of your partners feelings is vital to make you comfortable that the relationship is still on a solid footing.
5. Make an effort to find advice and counseling. Sometimes it is necessary to seek outside assistance from friends, families, and even a relationship therapist. In some cases it feels impossible to express and communicate your feelings to your partner. Different people can give you different angles on the problems you are facing in your relationships, and give you solutions to problems you may never have considered yourself. Sometimes expert and experienced advice can only be obtained from a relationship therapist.
Having an understanding of the 5 ways to save a relationship and using them to your benefits can mean that you keep your relationship strong and lasting. If your relationship bond is really special, then it is really worth making every effort to rescue it when it is floundering in trouble waters.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Should I Lie to Protect the Relationship?
Remember how your relationship was in the very beginning?
You stayed up all night talking about everything - your dreams and desires and even the things that scare or embarrass you. But then, as the relationship went a long, you stopped talking about so much. Everything became so heavy and meaningful.
In the beginning, things were great. There was a level of trust and open communication that created intimacy and understanding. So, what happened to that? Where did it go and how can you get it back?
I used to try to protect my partner from those heavy, bad moods and ugly thoughts. I went to my room and hung out until I felt like socializing again.
I thought I was noble in my ability to control what came out of my mouth.
I thought I was kind because I never let on what I was thinking.
But what I was doing was ruining my relationships. There was no relationship. I was cutting myself off from others and never allowing them to know me. They never knew what I was thinking or feeling or needing.
I was an island. A very lonely island.
I really thought that if I let people know the ugly thoughts, not only would they be hurt - but they would probably become angry and disown me - betray me, talk shit behind my back. I would be the outcast.
So I beat them to the punch! Hah! I'd banish myself to my own room (or apartment, as I got older). I'd banish myself to silence.
You can either have a N.I.C.E. (Not Interested in Connecting Emotionally) relationship... where you hide what is true out of fear. Or you can have an alive, real relationship with intimacy, compassion and understanding.
Some people withhold from their partner and add an extra zinger -- they put on a show of pain and discomfort in order to punish them. It's an effort to communicate just how much pain they're in. But none of it's verbalized. It's a show of the pain.
When you start keeping secrets and withholding,.. when you cut off the sharing of life force between you,... you're cutting off the intimacy in your relationship. Even if you think you're protecting your partner from painful or embarrassing thoughts - it's still destroying your relationship.
Relationships require sharing... both our dreams and desires along with our doubts and fears.
What are you feeling and what needs of yours are being met or not? ...
I'm happy because my need for support in keeping our home is being met.
I'm disappointed because my need for partnership isn't being met in the way we're handling our finances.
I'm sad because my need for connection isn't being met when you're out with your friends every evening.
You can find out more about this style of intimate communication, along with other advice on building healthy, intimate relationships, at our website: www MagicRelationship dot com.
Another tip: when you offer your feelings and needs, it's best to follow them with a request. If you offer them without a request, your partner won't know why you're giving them the information.
Do you want to be just heard?
Do you want advice?
Do you want to come up with a strategy for meeting your needs? Why the heck are you telling me this?
Often, a comment without a request will be taken as blame... which will lead to fixing, fighting or fleeing. Don't leave your poor partner hanging.
Paul and I recommend asking, "Would you tell me what you heard me say?" (Avoid saying 'could'- it implies they aren't intelligent enough to repeat you. And avoid saying "What did I say?" because what you said and what they heard are two different things.)
And one more tip: don't think that little behaviors are enough to be warranted as 'sharing feelings and needs.' Fixing your honey a cup of coffee in the morning is very sweet, but it may not communicate your feelings of love and contentment like actually verbalizing the information. "I love you so much", PLUS the cup of coffee goes much further.
Frowning and throwing around the bed covers while you make the bed may not adequately communicate your feelings and needs, either.
Instead, say: "I'm feeling disappointed because my need for support around the house isn't being met. Would you be willing to discuss a way to help that would also meet your needs?"
There's no room for misinterpretation there.
Try it out this holiday season: make a pact with your beloved to share absolutely ALL your feelings and needs for one day - the good, the bad and the ugly. Then follow the information with a request.
Be prepared to spend some time processing and discussing those feelings and needs as they come up.
However, try to avoid getting into BLAMING and 'FAULT' behind the feelings and needs. That tends to end up in a free-for-all about evaluations and judgments - who's right and who's wrong. Try to stick with feelings, needs and requests.
Try to do this on a day when you'll have the time.
You won't want to get cut off because you have to run to pick up the kids right when you're getting to the heart of an issue that's snuck up silently between you.
You're going to want to stay and hold each other and talk it through... and feel the intimacy of clearing out all of those old, crusty feelings and unmet needs that have been clogging the flow of love.
And, again, you can find out more about this style of intimate communication for relationships, at our website - www MagicRelationship dot com - a along with advice on building healthy relationships.
You stayed up all night talking about everything - your dreams and desires and even the things that scare or embarrass you. But then, as the relationship went a long, you stopped talking about so much. Everything became so heavy and meaningful.
In the beginning, things were great. There was a level of trust and open communication that created intimacy and understanding. So, what happened to that? Where did it go and how can you get it back?
I used to try to protect my partner from those heavy, bad moods and ugly thoughts. I went to my room and hung out until I felt like socializing again.
I thought I was noble in my ability to control what came out of my mouth.
I thought I was kind because I never let on what I was thinking.
But what I was doing was ruining my relationships. There was no relationship. I was cutting myself off from others and never allowing them to know me. They never knew what I was thinking or feeling or needing.
I was an island. A very lonely island.
I really thought that if I let people know the ugly thoughts, not only would they be hurt - but they would probably become angry and disown me - betray me, talk shit behind my back. I would be the outcast.
So I beat them to the punch! Hah! I'd banish myself to my own room (or apartment, as I got older). I'd banish myself to silence.
You can either have a N.I.C.E. (Not Interested in Connecting Emotionally) relationship... where you hide what is true out of fear. Or you can have an alive, real relationship with intimacy, compassion and understanding.
Some people withhold from their partner and add an extra zinger -- they put on a show of pain and discomfort in order to punish them. It's an effort to communicate just how much pain they're in. But none of it's verbalized. It's a show of the pain.
When you start keeping secrets and withholding,.. when you cut off the sharing of life force between you,... you're cutting off the intimacy in your relationship. Even if you think you're protecting your partner from painful or embarrassing thoughts - it's still destroying your relationship.
Relationships require sharing... both our dreams and desires along with our doubts and fears.
What are you feeling and what needs of yours are being met or not? ...
I'm happy because my need for support in keeping our home is being met.
I'm disappointed because my need for partnership isn't being met in the way we're handling our finances.
I'm sad because my need for connection isn't being met when you're out with your friends every evening.
You can find out more about this style of intimate communication, along with other advice on building healthy, intimate relationships, at our website: www MagicRelationship dot com.
Another tip: when you offer your feelings and needs, it's best to follow them with a request. If you offer them without a request, your partner won't know why you're giving them the information.
Do you want to be just heard?
Do you want advice?
Do you want to come up with a strategy for meeting your needs? Why the heck are you telling me this?
Often, a comment without a request will be taken as blame... which will lead to fixing, fighting or fleeing. Don't leave your poor partner hanging.
Paul and I recommend asking, "Would you tell me what you heard me say?" (Avoid saying 'could'- it implies they aren't intelligent enough to repeat you. And avoid saying "What did I say?" because what you said and what they heard are two different things.)
And one more tip: don't think that little behaviors are enough to be warranted as 'sharing feelings and needs.' Fixing your honey a cup of coffee in the morning is very sweet, but it may not communicate your feelings of love and contentment like actually verbalizing the information. "I love you so much", PLUS the cup of coffee goes much further.
Frowning and throwing around the bed covers while you make the bed may not adequately communicate your feelings and needs, either.
Instead, say: "I'm feeling disappointed because my need for support around the house isn't being met. Would you be willing to discuss a way to help that would also meet your needs?"
There's no room for misinterpretation there.
Try it out this holiday season: make a pact with your beloved to share absolutely ALL your feelings and needs for one day - the good, the bad and the ugly. Then follow the information with a request.
Be prepared to spend some time processing and discussing those feelings and needs as they come up.
However, try to avoid getting into BLAMING and 'FAULT' behind the feelings and needs. That tends to end up in a free-for-all about evaluations and judgments - who's right and who's wrong. Try to stick with feelings, needs and requests.
Try to do this on a day when you'll have the time.
You won't want to get cut off because you have to run to pick up the kids right when you're getting to the heart of an issue that's snuck up silently between you.
You're going to want to stay and hold each other and talk it through... and feel the intimacy of clearing out all of those old, crusty feelings and unmet needs that have been clogging the flow of love.
And, again, you can find out more about this style of intimate communication for relationships, at our website - www MagicRelationship dot com - a along with advice on building healthy relationships.
Relationship Advice: How To Recover From An Affair
We never think that our relationship will experience the tragedy of an affair. No one ever expects it, but it happens to so many nonetheless. Often, both partners want to put the relationship back together again. Here's the blueprint for recovery.
The First Thing To Do Is To Go To A Couple's Therapist.
Yes, I am biased about this since I am a couple's therapist. But I've seen so many people come to me years after an affair and the wounds are still raw. The couple once thought they had put the affair behind them, but they really had not. Either the betrayed partner never really got over it, or the person who had the affair never really let go of the passion, attraction or dreams evoked by the affair.
So, do it right. Get some help. You're too close to the problem to see it clearly.
For The Person Who Feels Betrayed:
Your reactions may range from wanting to get the person back at your side at any cost, to kicking him or her out at the least provocation. And, you may cycle from one to the other throughout the recovery process.
You can figure on at least a year to really get over most of it. It is a grief process. You've had dreams crushed and trust shattered. It will take a long time. You need a resource network besides your partner. That means friends, family, minister, counselor. Grief is sadness, and often depression and anger mixed in. You need to hear repeatedly that your partner is sorry and really means it.
Your biggest problem is that your partner is going to believe that the two of you should just put it all behind you and get on with life. He or she will think that what happened really didn't matter that much, that relationship with you is what really matters, and now it is recognized. Your partner will want to just move on. You are not going to be able to do that. That's why you're going to need the help of that therapist.
For The Person Who Had The Affair:
You may think you know what your partner is going through, but you don't. You will typically get over the affair fairly quickly and expect your partner to do the same. It doesn't work this way.
If you're going to be successful you're going to have to learn to say "I'm sorry" on a daily basis, ad nauseum, for at least a year. It will be very trying for you because you just won't get it. You won't get how wounded your partner is, and how long the recovery is going to take. You won't want to take full responsibility for how much harm you've created. You're going to feel like it is all about beating up on and blaming you.
But you're going to have to learn to live with it all. It is called the consequences of your behavior. None of us like this very much. It is difficult. But it is the real deal. To be successful in this recovery you're going to have to shoulder the responsibility and really become a "big" person.What a challenge you face!
Trust:
Trust is merely my ability to predict your future behavior based on my observation of your past behavior. After an affair, trust has been ruined. Everything is brought into question. The partner who strayed needs to have the willingness to have all behavior now be totally transparent.
The only way to re-establish trust is to build up another large resevoir of past behavior that is trustworthy. The person who strayed always believes that trust should be re-established much more quickly than is actually possible.
The Outcome:
Many couples successfully overcome an affair and use it as a challenge for deeper growth together. Many do not. Many couples embrace the pain and mature as human beings. Many do not.
Many couples have two partners willing to put in the grit, perseverence and love necessary to make it work. Many have only one person willing to do so.
Successful recovery from an affair can be the hardest thing you will ever do in your lifetime. Are you up to it?
The First Thing To Do Is To Go To A Couple's Therapist.
Yes, I am biased about this since I am a couple's therapist. But I've seen so many people come to me years after an affair and the wounds are still raw. The couple once thought they had put the affair behind them, but they really had not. Either the betrayed partner never really got over it, or the person who had the affair never really let go of the passion, attraction or dreams evoked by the affair.
So, do it right. Get some help. You're too close to the problem to see it clearly.
For The Person Who Feels Betrayed:
Your reactions may range from wanting to get the person back at your side at any cost, to kicking him or her out at the least provocation. And, you may cycle from one to the other throughout the recovery process.
You can figure on at least a year to really get over most of it. It is a grief process. You've had dreams crushed and trust shattered. It will take a long time. You need a resource network besides your partner. That means friends, family, minister, counselor. Grief is sadness, and often depression and anger mixed in. You need to hear repeatedly that your partner is sorry and really means it.
Your biggest problem is that your partner is going to believe that the two of you should just put it all behind you and get on with life. He or she will think that what happened really didn't matter that much, that relationship with you is what really matters, and now it is recognized. Your partner will want to just move on. You are not going to be able to do that. That's why you're going to need the help of that therapist.
For The Person Who Had The Affair:
You may think you know what your partner is going through, but you don't. You will typically get over the affair fairly quickly and expect your partner to do the same. It doesn't work this way.
If you're going to be successful you're going to have to learn to say "I'm sorry" on a daily basis, ad nauseum, for at least a year. It will be very trying for you because you just won't get it. You won't get how wounded your partner is, and how long the recovery is going to take. You won't want to take full responsibility for how much harm you've created. You're going to feel like it is all about beating up on and blaming you.
But you're going to have to learn to live with it all. It is called the consequences of your behavior. None of us like this very much. It is difficult. But it is the real deal. To be successful in this recovery you're going to have to shoulder the responsibility and really become a "big" person.What a challenge you face!
Trust:
Trust is merely my ability to predict your future behavior based on my observation of your past behavior. After an affair, trust has been ruined. Everything is brought into question. The partner who strayed needs to have the willingness to have all behavior now be totally transparent.
The only way to re-establish trust is to build up another large resevoir of past behavior that is trustworthy. The person who strayed always believes that trust should be re-established much more quickly than is actually possible.
The Outcome:
Many couples successfully overcome an affair and use it as a challenge for deeper growth together. Many do not. Many couples embrace the pain and mature as human beings. Many do not.
Many couples have two partners willing to put in the grit, perseverence and love necessary to make it work. Many have only one person willing to do so.
Successful recovery from an affair can be the hardest thing you will ever do in your lifetime. Are you up to it?
A Romantic Wedding Anniversary Toast
There are a lot of toasts in the world that are supposed to be meaningful and romantic. However, the best toast to get romantic with is the wedding anniversary toast. This is because the wedding anniversary itself is supposed to be remembered as the most important date of your life. The day where you stopped going through life's journey alone! This was where two souls came together to make one being. However, we are getting ahead of our selves. Right now we need to talk about a few tips that can give you the best romantic and meaningful wedding anniversary toast that you have ever given.
The first thing to remember when giving a anniversary toast is to know that it needs to reflect back on everything that has happened since you have been married, or since the last anniversary. Thus, you are going to have to plan out this wedding anniversary toast. Think back on all the meaningful things that have happened. Maybe it was getting a house or having a child. No matter what it is, you should make sure that it covers the things that were important to both of you, not just yourself.
The next best thing that you can do is to make sure that your wedding anniversary toast covers some things that happened in the wedding. A lot of times you can do this by quoting some of the things that were said during other speeches at the wedding. This is usually followed up with a great dinner out and watching your wedding video when you get home (if you have one).
Not everyone knows that the wedding anniversary toast that you are giving is that important. Also, remember that your toast should be short and sweet. A lot of times we tend to forget that these speeches are not suppose to be long and drawn out. Keep these tips in mind when writing your next toast. The first thing to remember when giving a anniversary toast is to know that it needs to reflect back on everything that has happened since you have been married, or since the last anniversary. Thus, you are going to have to plan out this wedding anniversary toast. Think back on all the meaningful things that have happened. Maybe it was getting a house or having a child. No matter what it is, you should make sure that it covers the things that were important to both of you, not just yourself.
The next best thing that you can do is to make sure that your wedding anniversary toast covers some things that happened in the wedding. A lot of times you can do this by quoting some of the things that were said during other speeches at the wedding. This is usually followed up with a great dinner out and watching your wedding video when you get home (if you have one).
Not everyone knows that the wedding anniversary toast that you are giving is that important. Also, remember that your toast should be short and sweet. A lot of times we tend to forget that these speeches are not suppose to be long and drawn out. Keep these tips in mind when writing your next toast.
The first thing to remember when giving a anniversary toast is to know that it needs to reflect back on everything that has happened since you have been married, or since the last anniversary. Thus, you are going to have to plan out this wedding anniversary toast. Think back on all the meaningful things that have happened. Maybe it was getting a house or having a child. No matter what it is, you should make sure that it covers the things that were important to both of you, not just yourself.
The next best thing that you can do is to make sure that your wedding anniversary toast covers some things that happened in the wedding. A lot of times you can do this by quoting some of the things that were said during other speeches at the wedding. This is usually followed up with a great dinner out and watching your wedding video when you get home (if you have one).
Not everyone knows that the wedding anniversary toast that you are giving is that important. Also, remember that your toast should be short and sweet. A lot of times we tend to forget that these speeches are not suppose to be long and drawn out. Keep these tips in mind when writing your next toast. The first thing to remember when giving a anniversary toast is to know that it needs to reflect back on everything that has happened since you have been married, or since the last anniversary. Thus, you are going to have to plan out this wedding anniversary toast. Think back on all the meaningful things that have happened. Maybe it was getting a house or having a child. No matter what it is, you should make sure that it covers the things that were important to both of you, not just yourself.
The next best thing that you can do is to make sure that your wedding anniversary toast covers some things that happened in the wedding. A lot of times you can do this by quoting some of the things that were said during other speeches at the wedding. This is usually followed up with a great dinner out and watching your wedding video when you get home (if you have one).
Not everyone knows that the wedding anniversary toast that you are giving is that important. Also, remember that your toast should be short and sweet. A lot of times we tend to forget that these speeches are not suppose to be long and drawn out. Keep these tips in mind when writing your next toast.
How to Love a Woman When You are not the First
It’s a fact of life – you’re not the first man that your lady friend has been involved with. In many cases, she may have even considered marriage with a past beau, taken his engagement ring and headed for the altar before realizing that he wasn’t The One.
If so, you may be feeling a little insecure, wondering if that man was truly the love of her life and if she’s really ready to make a commitment to you now.
The truth is, you stand a much better chance of having a happy relationship with a woman who’s been serious with someone else before you. There are things about being in a relationship that people can only know from experience – both good and bad. How to compromise, for example, and how much actual work has to go into a long-term relationship to make it thrive
If she’s headed toward marriage once but changed her mind, she probably had a very good reason. So ask her why it didn’t work out – rather than sulk and feel jealous, use this as an opportunity to find out what she learned from the experience.
She may have felt that her previous fiancé was too clingy, or maybe he was bad with money. Her reasons for not marrying someone else will reveal not only what she wants from a marriage, but what she doesn’t want from you – things she may be nervous about saying outright, for fear of hurting your feelings.
If the broken engagement wasn’t her idea, she’ll very likely be skittish about you, and about how serious you are regarding the relationship. “Once bitten, twice shy” is a fact of life, and she might be harboring fears that you’ll leave her at some point, too.
She may have self-esteem issues related to the event, and feel that’s she’s not good looking enough or lovable enough to earn a lifetime commitment. If this is the case, you’ll need to be extremely supportive, loving, affectionate and complimentary.
Whether she was the one who terminated her previous engagement or not, she’s going to want to be very sure that you’re someone she wants to spend the rest of her life with before she commits. So you’ll want to take a good, long look at yourself and your behavior to ensure that you’re trustworthy. Part of that means keeping your word – showing up on time for dates, telling her the truth about who you see and what you do when you’re not with her, and staying faithful during the length of your relationship.
Women give honesty a high priority, especially when considering a mate. Be someone she knows she can trust – and that means really being trustworthy, not just putting on a convincing act – and you’re halfway home.
But being trustworthy is also about her allowing herself to entrust you with her emotions. Don’t play jealousy games, talking about other women that you find attractive just to feel more “loved” when she gets jealous.
Listen to what she tells you, really listen, and make sure she knows you care about what she has to say. Examine the way you talk to her, and note if you ever talk down to her as if she’s less intelligent than you are, or if you criticize appearance or her behavior all the time.
If so, she’s not going to feel safe with you – add that to the feelings she may still harbor over her failed engagement, and you’re not making yourself a very appealing prospect. On the plus side, a woman who has been serious enough about a man to consider marriage has experience in developing a long-term relationship. What you’ll gain from this is a partner who knows what she wants, and probably has no problem expressing it.
If she deems you worthy of her trust, she’ll give you her entire heart and be a faithful, loving spouse if you two tie the knot.
The key, as mentioned above, is to talk about what went wrong the first time – whether it was money problems, disagreements over whether to have children, family issues, a substance abuse problem or simply a realization that they weren’t right for each other, understanding the reason for the break-up will be educational, allowing you to judge whether you and she are a better fit, and what she expects from a serious relationship.
She’ll appreciate the fact that you want to understand her better, and you’ll gain from the insight into her past.
If so, you may be feeling a little insecure, wondering if that man was truly the love of her life and if she’s really ready to make a commitment to you now.
The truth is, you stand a much better chance of having a happy relationship with a woman who’s been serious with someone else before you. There are things about being in a relationship that people can only know from experience – both good and bad. How to compromise, for example, and how much actual work has to go into a long-term relationship to make it thrive
If she’s headed toward marriage once but changed her mind, she probably had a very good reason. So ask her why it didn’t work out – rather than sulk and feel jealous, use this as an opportunity to find out what she learned from the experience.
She may have felt that her previous fiancé was too clingy, or maybe he was bad with money. Her reasons for not marrying someone else will reveal not only what she wants from a marriage, but what she doesn’t want from you – things she may be nervous about saying outright, for fear of hurting your feelings.
If the broken engagement wasn’t her idea, she’ll very likely be skittish about you, and about how serious you are regarding the relationship. “Once bitten, twice shy” is a fact of life, and she might be harboring fears that you’ll leave her at some point, too.
She may have self-esteem issues related to the event, and feel that’s she’s not good looking enough or lovable enough to earn a lifetime commitment. If this is the case, you’ll need to be extremely supportive, loving, affectionate and complimentary.
Whether she was the one who terminated her previous engagement or not, she’s going to want to be very sure that you’re someone she wants to spend the rest of her life with before she commits. So you’ll want to take a good, long look at yourself and your behavior to ensure that you’re trustworthy. Part of that means keeping your word – showing up on time for dates, telling her the truth about who you see and what you do when you’re not with her, and staying faithful during the length of your relationship.
Women give honesty a high priority, especially when considering a mate. Be someone she knows she can trust – and that means really being trustworthy, not just putting on a convincing act – and you’re halfway home.
But being trustworthy is also about her allowing herself to entrust you with her emotions. Don’t play jealousy games, talking about other women that you find attractive just to feel more “loved” when she gets jealous.
Listen to what she tells you, really listen, and make sure she knows you care about what she has to say. Examine the way you talk to her, and note if you ever talk down to her as if she’s less intelligent than you are, or if you criticize appearance or her behavior all the time.
If so, she’s not going to feel safe with you – add that to the feelings she may still harbor over her failed engagement, and you’re not making yourself a very appealing prospect. On the plus side, a woman who has been serious enough about a man to consider marriage has experience in developing a long-term relationship. What you’ll gain from this is a partner who knows what she wants, and probably has no problem expressing it.
If she deems you worthy of her trust, she’ll give you her entire heart and be a faithful, loving spouse if you two tie the knot.
The key, as mentioned above, is to talk about what went wrong the first time – whether it was money problems, disagreements over whether to have children, family issues, a substance abuse problem or simply a realization that they weren’t right for each other, understanding the reason for the break-up will be educational, allowing you to judge whether you and she are a better fit, and what she expects from a serious relationship.
She’ll appreciate the fact that you want to understand her better, and you’ll gain from the insight into her past.
How to Identify Her Interest in Dating You
After using all you can to hit on the woman of your dreams, you now want to gauge her interest in dating you. Love is a two way traffic and so you cannot play the game alone. It takes two to tangle and so is she that into you? Many people have a misconception that if she gives you her phone number you are home and dry but no. In this era of mobile phones giving out your number is no big deal and that does not imply that is her real number or that she will answer when you call. It is a common gesture. To show your level of seriousness ask her to give you the cell phone number she is sure to answer when you call. Her interest in dating you is very high if she gives you more than one contact. If she gives you her cell phone number, her e-mail address, home phone number and her voice mail number, you should not bother to look for more clues. She is obsessively so into you and she cannot hide it. Write all of them down with a huge smile on your face because you are on your way to a romantic lovely life. If the lady you have approached talks more than you do, it is a good sign. This shows that she likes your company and she has trusted you enough to open up to you. It also means that she likes your listening skills. Cheer her up by showing interest too. If she nods, smile at your jokes and pats your back, you are home and dry. You can also tell whether a girl is into you by how she treats you. Women are good at thinking loud and showing it with no apology. She behaves differently to a man who she thinks is an ugly no-class jerk. She will bother less to filter her words and the body language tells you that she is not all that into you. If she thinks you are an attractive classy guy her eyes and VIP treatment will tell it all. She will let you to take control of the situation and trust your every word and follow it to the letter. If a man she thinks is out to play games asks for her number, she might blurt out something like "Why do you think i should give it to you?". You have missed the game and the ball is over. This shows her interest in dating you is below zero. When you hit on a woman, if there is anything to sprout out of it, it has to be fueled by communication. That is why her interest in dating you and communicating with you is the biggest measure of whether she found you interesting and whether she would want to see you again. If you ask for her number and she expresses impatience, congratulations because you have hit it hard. When she asks something like "when will you call?" This should be interpreted as very high interest.
Attract Love - Common Mistakes to Avoid
Loneliness a feeling which is dreaded by many because it is psychologically, emotionally, and physically destructive. This is because there is no any form of happiness. It can lead to effects such as insomnia, lack of appetite and acute depression. All this might expose a person to healthy problems. Development of healthy relationships between family members, friends and lovers is the only way that loneliness can be avoided. Every body wants to feel the warmth of love and when it lacks loneliness sets in. When loneliness is unbearable, people get desperate and do anything to fill up the empty ness. To avoid messing up your love life there are some mistakes you should do away with. To attract love you have to get some discipline. Are you that lovable person that everybody has a soft spot for? I am sure you would do anything to be that one person. If you are too obsessed with your work, do not be shocked if you do not attract love. This will result in to loneliness. If you were heartbroken at one time, you might think of burying yourself in work so that you overcome the heart break or the loneliness but that is wrong. This might work for a while but it is an unrealistic mechanism used to overcome loneliness. If you want to attract love, overworking is a bad idea. You will have little or no time to interact with potential lovers and friends. If you are in an unrealistic romantic relationship, you will not get ready for a healthy relationship which will shower you with love. If you are either seeing a married man, one who is engaged or someone who does not meet your requirements, you are doing a great mistake. Walk out and do not fear being alone. It will only be for sometime before love comes your way. If you want to attract love and do away with loneliness, do not ignore your principals and conscience. Do not do crazy things in quest of popularity. Many people think that if they become popular the admiration and available applause might make them feel loved and accepted. Popularity can never attract love. In most cases people put on a show of fake love to get what they want. It is no solution to loneliness. Not all celebrities and politicians enjoy love. When you want to attract love, keep off any unhealthy practice. Do not do drugs and alcohol or engage in premarital sex. They will spoil your chances of meeting partners and friends. When you are desperate for love and company you can be easily maneuvered into bad company. They help us beat loneliness and so we adore them and help them all we can. To attract love, attract the right kind of people who will give you a sense of belonging and a family feeling. If you make a mistake of hooking up with a cult or gang you will end up making things worse by attracting the wrong type of love.
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